.:. Communication

Trying to express yourself--it's maybe the first struggle of a baby, something that parents spend considerable time fostering. My wife and I have taught our daughter a handful of signs to supplement her fledgling speaking capabilities and we seem to invest a lot of our energy in helping her communicate, teaching her appropriate communication, and trying to figure out what she's communicating to us. I don't think it stops. We never seem to "get it right" and so it seems that when we forget to focus on our communication we often hurt people.

I don't think that all communication was created equal, so here are a couple areas that I'm reflecting on:

Practical communication-- We communicate everything from our schedule to our moods-perhaps obsessively through things like Facebook and Twitter. Most of us probably need to express our expectations and needs a little more clearly. There's so much in the practical realm of things, but even these things seem to flow seemlessly into other kinds of communication... Like communication surrounding conflict. Yep, that one's a tough one. I remember a friend talking about "the Biblical model for dealing with conflict" we find that in Matthew 18:

15 ‘If another member of the church sins against you, go and point out the fault when the two of you are alone. If the member listens to you, you have regained that one. ¹⁶But if you are not listened to, take one or two others along with you, so that every word may be confirmed by the evidence of two or three witnesses. ¹⁷If the member refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if the offender refuses to listen even to the church, let such a one be to you as a Gentile and a tax-collector. ¹⁸Truly I tell you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. ¹⁹Again, truly I tell you, if two of you agree on earth about anything you ask, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. ²⁰For where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them.’

Sometimes it seems to be the hardest thing in the world to go to someone directly and have a heart to heart about things that have happened. It's so easy to be pushed into a "defensive stance" or to jump right in to fighting back. And who likes conflict anyway? It's so easy to be afraid of that direct communication, but I don't think that's something we can allow ourselves to fear. The other place where I think we experience a longing for communication is in the expression of something deeper-we often love to be drawn into a beautiful story or song, so many people are writing blogs, giving lectures, scrawling the starts of poems on napkins, or wishing to be discovered by a record label so they can more fully express something in their soul. I think for people of faith, there are some natural outlets for that expression-in worship and through the arts. We enter the mysterious and try to capture pieces of it in song and liturgy.

There is so much beauty and struggle in our communication. We're always finding new ways to communicate. Take this blog for example-I don't feel the need to capture the full spectrum of what communication is or could be, but wanted to take a moment to encourage us all to reflect on what we communicate and how we do it.

Here's one more little scripture passage to chew on: The Apostle Peter wrote to the early church, "Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect" May the heart of that hope always be on the tip of our tongue.

.:. Thee Art Hovel List and "ing"

I'm quickly learning that time spent around small people who are just learning to talk is a good exercise in keeping the ol' noodle sharp. I remember all sorts of funny stories from editorials and pastors and blogs and...probably Garrison Keillor about kids saying something completely unexpected or thinking they had said something wild when they were simply speaking toddler. Getting together with friends from college the other night was part of the catalyst for my reflection here. The other piece of the puzzle for me has been with the worship band that I lead. We have such a deep pool of talented musicians. Vocalists, instrumentalists, leaders, students who are honing their skills in songwriting, fun things for the little extra "flare" like banjo, oboe, or harp...what DON'T we have?

I think that sometimes we don't have "the art of listening." I think that we have pounded through songs that we've done hundreds of times only to get to the end and listen for the first time only after that last big hit.

How is it that great musicians get to that point? I'm as guilty as anyone! How do I fall into that? To play music IS to listen. I know this! I've had hosts of amazing ensemble directors who have driven this through my skull since before I could say my R's. I think we need freedom and we need to see the bigger picture. We need to be able to get beyond the little note that I'm playing and hear all of the things that weave us together into some mysterious tapestry (sorry, but I'm serious).

When I teach one of my students how to play the blues, often one of the first things I tell them is to think of it like a conversation. You say something, you say it again for emphasis, you're asked for more details, so you reiterate what you just said, so you both expound and go do something cool. So if music is communication, no one wants to hear me blab all day (I know, I'll finish this blog soon). There's a natural rhythm of speaking and listening--how much more true when you're playing with other people! This is probably where I should share the old addage that God gave us 2 ears and 1 mouth...

so does anyone else out there have any thoughts? Or have I just talked too much yet again?